this is a prat

 15 years ago today... I saw a dude at my Barnes & Noble (is that link still working?) who I knew from TV...

I guess it's possible that I have grown up (just a small bit), but in reading my proto-hot-take on Mr. Matt Geiler from that day in 2006, it feels a bit judgy (or at least a bit dismissive of his interest in astrology). It's not to say that my feelings about astrology have evolved any (although the world's penchant for bullshit and pseudo-knowledge has expanded exponentially since 2006, so maybe astrology should be given a lot more space today than then        ¯\_(ツ)_/¯          ).  We are so enmeshed in an era of faux-expertise where wealth is misidentified as success, credentials are misunderstood to be knowledge, and time passed in any capacity (regardless of quality) merits respect. 

We are in an era where scientific certainty is on the wane (to be clear, scientific knowledge is - and almost literally always has been - at an all time high, so while our scientific models get better and better, the more data we have the less sure we can ultimately be about the final answers or outcomes.  Ergo, the best scientists try to ask better and better questions, rather than giving better and better answers.), outward statements of certainty and expertise, from basically anybody are at an all time high.  In fact, our economy (and essentially our entire culture) is one of grift - figure out a way that you can get people to think you know what you're talking about and then fleece them for everything you can.  This is most obvious in our new crypto and NFT economies, but also in the job market (see "recruiting" as a "profession), and especially consulting, and then again most definitely in the retail economy and in the RobinHood app options economy and in the real estate inflating economy.

And so our lives are now such that you would be an absolute utter moron (economically speaking) if you didn't spend all of your working life trying to scrape and take and fleece every shred of value from any customer or company or rube, rather than spending any of your working life (idk) doing something good or worthwhile in the world, let alone something you care about or enjoy (ha!, as if).  Perhaps best most recently said by Mr. Ken Klipstein (who I do not know).

And bully to Mr. Geiler for carrying on with the comedic career!  Best of luck to you!

Bears-Giving (Bears-Taking)

 I had thought to post two new posts on Thanksgiving Day - the first a diatribe on the failure of modern society; and the second about the Chicago Bears, who no matter how lowly they may be just now, I was pretty sure, would win that day... and so they did, but as always, disappointingly.

I watched the finale of the Minnesota Loons' 2021 Season the same day the Bears pissed away a perfectly good chance to beat the Baltimore Ravens sans Lamar Jackson.  After that miserable game, I considered including the traditional "end of season" consumption for the Bears along with my Loons one on the Arfives, but at the last moment did not...

And now, after a single lowly win versus a winless opponent, the Bears find themselves technically one game back out of a playoff position.  And sure, they are behind in almost all of the tiebreakers at present, but as Hub Arkusch points out, that is in large part because two of the Bears' (merely 4) wins are against AFC teams, so if they wind up tied for a playoff spot at the end of the season, they will need to win some (probably most) of their remaining games that are all against the NFC, so tiebreakers would improve.

Now, neither Hub nor I think that is necessarily going to happen, or even very likely, but hell, it's the NFL.  I stopped making picks on fiveThirtyEight's Football Picks Contest after week 6, and my lead over their algorithm has increased significantly!  The NFL is weird this year (weirder than most years), and bad teams are beating better teams with frequency.  So why not us?

Sure, there are currently technically only two teams in the NFC that are in a worse position, the Seahawks (3-7) who the Bears have a matchup against upcoming, so technically an inferior opponent... and the aforementioned Lions who have yet to win a game, but did manage a tie (against the .500 Steelers, who might get to be the first ever .500 team in a season with an odd number of games {and also another team who the Bears almost beat, and admittedly [as in admitted by the NFL after the game] should have beaten had there not been a few mistaken calls by officials late in the game}).

So... Why Not Us? (And I know, I know, factories of sadness, and all that... I promise, I won't get my hopes up.  Unless... we beat Arizona at home on Sunday.  Then our chances to make the playoffs leap from 2% where they stand now to 9% {according to fivethirtyeight}, but then again, what the frak do they know!?)

GOBEARS!!!

Gracegiving

 Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

We're sitting here watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade while our turkey grills out in the garage (yeah, turns out that a thing!!).  Hoda and her partner just tried to sell me a bunch of NFTs (it's ok tho, it's for a good cause), and a pirate gravy boat float sponsored by Heinz just floated by followed by the Sinclair Oil dinosaur balloon (causing Brooke to ask if that is their mascot because the oil is derived from fossil fuels, namely oil created from the bodies of decrepit dinosaurs!?, and yes, that is true, although they tend not to talk about it much anymore)...

And I KNOW iknowiknowiknow that American Thanksgiving has been commercialized and exploitative for generations now (this is the 95th annual rendition of it being Macy's Thanksgiving), but it's all just ew, right?

With the eldest Boomers turning 75 this year, I'd like to propose a modest adjustment to our American holidazzle traditions.  While the name of the holiday naturally suggests the lame tradition of going around the table and saying what we're thankful for, I'd like to submit that this practice is actually quite self serving.  Coming off of 15 - 20 years of New Deal policies in action as they came of age, the Boomers (who I expect started the bone-headed tradition of saying out loud what you're thankful for once each year rather than actually appreciating and being grateful for the civilizational wealth and prosper that you have been fortunate enough to be born in to) benefited from a society that valued individual sacrifice at the expense of our collective health and wealth.  Looking at everything you have, and saying thank you for it is well and good, but ultimately it's all about yourself and what you already have.

I'd like to propose, in this era of divisiveness, polarization, and derisiveness, that instead of thanks, what we really need to give everyone - and especially those who we are particularly divided from, enraged by, and/or derisive of - is grace.  Grace is the simple (and yet uncanny) ability to recognize and believe that every other individual human in the entire world is a total and complete being with their own thoughts, feelings, and drives, and to respect those entities - all of them... even the ones you very much disagree with and want not to respect.  Grace for the unvaccinated, the mean spirited, the lost and the over-woke.  Imagine there's no bad people... just bad information and bad outcomes.

0 - 4 (well there goes that...)

 It's halftime at Old Trafford (well, I'm at the Colonel, but Liverpool are at Old Trafford), and the visitors are up by 4 first half goals.  Nottingham Forest on the other hand have lost earlier this morning 0 - 4 home at The City Ground.  It's Forest's first loss under Steve Cooper who came on as the new gaffer after a historically horrendous start to their season, which found them dead last in the league, and in the relegation zone.

It's a proper football Sunday with the Packers playing at noon, and the Bears facing a tough match-up in Tampa Bay later on this afternoon.  (And, it the span of starting this post, Liverpool have scored again to give Mo Salah a well-deserved hat trick and disturb the synchronicity of the concept of the 0 - 4 post...

Regardless, I wanted to take the brief 0 - 4 moment to reflect on where things stand from my own sports fandom after a Bucks championship, and a disappointing end to a 4th consecutive playoff season for the Brewers.

Despite the loss today, this is the first run of play from Forest since I have been following them when I've felt unapologetically optimistic about the team.  Coming off the the high of 2 extra-time goals by Lyle Taylor to win at Bristol City midweek, we knew that we would eventually have to lose a game:

So too the Bears, who have inspired little but misery, despair and disappointment over the past 35 years, are generating some optimism this season having won the games the were supposed to have won while losing to 3 superior opponents.  They stand at .500 and might just have an upset within them today against an inflated Buccaneers team.  While this season is clearly not their year to win a championship, I've got an open bet for them to make the playoffs that I feel pretty okay about.

In fact, in my first year of online sports betting*, I have a few remaining open bets that will take me well into the black for my overall history.  It's a strange sports moment for me, finding myself feeling fairly positive about the overall direction and prospects of all of my teams.

*Unfortunately, my ability to place bets is limited by the finickiness of United States geography and civics, whereby, I am permitted to make bets online when I find myself within the boundaries of the state of Illinois, but not Wisconsin, so the only time I make sports bets has been when I find myself taking one or other of my parents to various medical appointments either at Northpointe wellness facility in Rockton or dropping them in Beloit, and then quick like crossing state lines while waiting for them to finish.

Hakuna Regatta

 As a middle-age, white bumpkin, I have encountered a few (less than five) regattas in my day.  Today, we bumbled in to what has to be the most unusual one I'll likely encounter - the Pumpkin Regatta.

What looked to be 4 competitors first carved out and decorated over the course of (i think) about 90 minutes (we didn't directly witness this part, just saw it from across the creek).  Then, at 2:00pm they were off, and paddling like hell (I'm unsure as to whether a regatta is technically supposed to be a sail-based boat race, but these pumpkins were paddled).  The second-place racer had (seemingly almost immediately) fallen out of his pumpkin and was dragging it along behind him as it filled up with more and more water,  

The racer in last place throughout the entirety of the heat tried to sink the first-place racer's pumpkin by paddling water in their general direction while approaching the turnaround (an old tire secured in place a little ways upstream from the waterfall {or whatever a stream-wide, man-made drop of 5 feet or so is called when created for urban [or ex-urban] planning purposes}).

Like many Midwestern Gen-X boys, my first regatta I'd ever was the Raingutter Regatta (which my child's ears always heard as the "ranguddaregada" - exactly none parts of the words made any sense to me whatsoever). Even when I competed in this event for the proto-fascist organization I had been encouraged to join by my friends' parents (my parents never discouraged me from it, but certainly weren't going to actively support me in my taking part), it didn't occur to me that the mini-sailboats we had constructed* were racing down rain gutters.  I just saw them as a flattened version of the racetracks we used for the Pinewood Derby** filled with water...

I'm not sure exactly of the other regattas (I feel like one was a Red Bull sponsored event... I know I went to a Red Bull FlugTag at Miami Beach when I was living there, but I think there was a boating event put on by them maybe in Minneapolis? {this was before they started sponsoring all those soccer teams, and needed to keep themselves in the public consciousness through other means}), but I know there've been a few.

A gathering of angels
Appeared above my head
They sang to me this song of hope
And this is what they said
They said, come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me (lads)
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me (baby)
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me

Imagine if you encountered a gathering of fracking angels, and that was all they said... really disappointing. 

*assembled
**Now Pinewood Derby cars - that is some true function v. form designs there, I tell ya'.  In my day, I constructed 2 of them, the first was all about form.  My buddy Choett helped me paint it (that is, probably, he did it all, because he was a damn good artist, and I routinely got made fun of in Art Class by Mr. Wescott in front of the whole class).  It was all pink with black racing stripes, and had its name "Pink Panther" painted on the front.  I think I added the number, which was wonky.  My second was all function, with the help of Corbin and some random guy he knew who had a drill press in his garage.  We drilled right down the middle, and curved the front so there was a hole straight through from front to back, and awesomely aerodynamic.  Then that guy melted the ball bearings I was supposed to add for weighting the car, and put it in the middle hole, all flat.  It was perfect (except, when I got to race day their scale measured it differently than ours at home had, and the race organizers had to reach into my car with pliers, and pull out some of the metal that had melted in their, thus messing up the weight distribution we had designed, and plugging up the hole at the front and ruining the aerodynamic design.  It's totally fine, though, I'm not bitter or anything...)

golfing in the end times...

 I've decided to watch The Walking Dead from the start again with the final season starting this week. I'm well over 2 Seasons in, and quite an awesome thing occurred to me: I need to work on my golf game.

I know it's not where everyone's mind goes to while getting re-acquainted with the Governor and his Woodbury gang, but in one episode, he has set up a tee off the top of their wall, and whacking balls out into the street and at any oncoming walkers, and it occurs to me that after the end times come, and the breakdown of society (whether it be zombie-caused or Super-Flu or something else totally unexpected), we are all going to have a lot of time on our hands.

I know leisure time is not what we generally see depicted when people tell apocalyptic stories - it's all busy busy gather gather fightfightfight. Because activity is helpful to narrative, however in reality, once you're holed up somewhere there will be a fair amount of down time.

The Governor's impromptu driving range is hardly the first golf go-round for a zombie-infested world. When we meet Bill Murray in Zombieland he's just come back from "playing nine holes on the Riviera". Robert Neville, when he waits each day at noon at the Manhattan piers opts to do some practice driving rather than playing a full round (although I'm not sure there actually are any golf courses on Manhattan Island where he is stranded).

And it's not just zombie-ravaged worlds where golf seems like a good hobby to take up: even Hugo sets up a short course on their island on Lost. It's Hugo's course that I modeled the proposed Turtle Greens Golf & Beer Club (or TGBG) after in the Hellwaukee setting - after everything fell apart, it's a great place to unwind.

Evidently, my prescience on this issue had spawned an upcoming hit video game on this very theme.  I'm realizing that this post may need to become a perpetual post, as I think I have run out of examples of golf in apocalypses, so I'll add them as I find them, and please let me know what I haven't thought of yet!

old man goes on vacation…

Walnut, IA Cenex: $46.34 (16.095 G)

Topeka, KS Murphy Express $34.53 (12.605 G)

Pauls Valley, OK Leonard’s Super Stop $43.00 (14.339 G)

Hillsboro, TX Shell: $40.34 (13.914 G)

Austin, TX Woody’s: $43.52 (15.011 G)

Royce City, TX Buc-EE’s: $36.25 (13.333 G)

Ward, AR Big Red Valero: $35.47 (12.762 G)

Litchfield, IL Mr. Fuel: $45.48 (14.396 G)